Lilly’s Story: Finding an LGBTQ+ Affirming Fertility Clinic and Freezing My Eggs

I’ve always wanted to not only have children, but to birth children. As a masculine lesbian, that often surprises people. My name is Lilly, and I recently froze my eggs at Reproductive Partners San Diego. This is my story.

At 33, I was married and planned to have a child in a few years, but my plans changed when my wife and I started struggling in our relationship. Ultimately, we decided to separate, and I was almost 35, single, and my life was in a very different place than it was a year prior.

I knew I needed to freeze my eggs to reassure my life’s dream of having a family someday. As a gender non-conforming queer person, appointments for “women’s health” can be very awkward. I knew I needed to find an LGBTQ+ affirming fertility center. I did a LOT of research, not just for myself, but because I also have a social media following and I knew I wanted to document the experience, so I wanted to make sure the place I chose would be safe and comfortable for all of my LGBTQ+ followers – not just for me.

I did about a dozen zoom and in-person consultations at different clinics. I live in LA, but I was open to traveling for the right clinic.  Some clinics asked my pronouns, some called me my government name and never asked for my chosen name. Some had great energy, some felt sterile.  The clinic that stood out to me the most was Reproductive Partners San Diego. Everyone at the clinic was very warm, had positive energy, was clearly knowledgeable and skilled, and compassionate towards the LGBTQ+ community and aware of the issues we face. It was important to me that RPSD had worked with many LGBTQ+ clients. They had trans men who had given birth, and who even wrote letters afterwards thanking their RPSD doctors for such a wonderful experience. This was really important to me.

When I started my journey of egg freezing, I was fresh out of a long term relationship.. and I was going through it emotionally. Everyone in the office was so lovely and brought me a sense of excitement in this journey. Hailee Green was my Patient Coordinator, and she immediately gave me a thorough list of ‘best practices’ – supplements to start, foods to eat, things to avoid like alcohol, and I took these suggestions very seriously. 

My main doctor was incredible, but I worked with several doctors depending on the day, and they were all absolutely lovely. At my first ultrasound, my doctor counted 31 follicles in my ovaries, which is a great number. I was so excited and hopeful, and she was too!   I only had to drive down to San Diego twice for an ultrasound before “stimulation” started. Stimulation is when you start stimulating your ovaries with injectable hormones.  So even though I was in LA, it was very doable for me to drive down just a couple times.

When I was ready for stimulation, I planned to stay at a friend’s house in San Diego, coincidentally while she was out of town and I could conveniently take care of her cats! 😊  I consider the start of stimulation as “day 1.” When I started with the shots, I was worried I would get a lot of cramps, since I have horrible dysmenorrhea during my periods and only survive on ibuprofen. And during stimulation, you can’t take ibuprofen. But I was so grateful that I had no cramps during stimulation!  Over time, I did become more bloated, but not as much as I had expected. Just about every morning, I drove to RPSD for a blood test so they could check my hormone levels, and adjust my dosage accordingly. Normally they do an ultrasound every other day, but my follicles were responding so well to stimulation medications that they needed to monitor them almost every day. So my doctor would do an ultrasound and count and measure my follicles again to see how fast they were growing.

At the time, I was working a door-to-door marketing job, and I walked about 5 miles a day – 7 hours in the hot sun. I was expecting to be too fatigued, too bloated to do this physically demanding job during stimulation.  And every day, I continued to be shocked by how well I felt physically. I kept working as normal! 

About seven days in, my doctor said my follicles were responding so well to stimulation that we may do the retrieval 2-3 days earlier than initially expected. So instead of 2 weeks of stimulation, I was going to have my retrieval on day 11. So on day 9, my mom flew in to help me because on day 10, I had to do my “trigger shot.” This prepares the follicles for surgical retrieval. Unlike the other shots, this one goes into the muscle instead of the fat. So the needle is much longer, and a little intimidating! But my nurse gave me the advice to stand solely on the leg that is not receiving the shot. That way, zero muscles are engaged when the needle is injected into the upper buttox muscle. And she was right – I felt almost nothing.

On day 11, when I went in for the retrieval surgery room, there were about five women in there preparing me for surgery. One of them said, “What music do you want to listen to while we prepare you?” I said, “Uh…. K Pop Demon Hunters?” And they were SO excited. “Alexa, play Huntrex!” And all of a sudden we’re all singing along to Golden. It was such an awesome vibe, funny enough while I lift my legs into the stirrups, but not awkward whatsoever. This is what I mean by good vibes!

When I woke up, I was still on a high from Golden. And a few minutes later, a nurse comes in to tell me my initial results. They retrieved 36 eggs, and 24 of them were mature!! I was so shocked and happy. I was wheeled out, and went back to my friend’s place to recover. I had been told by other friends that they could barely walk to the bathroom after retrieval, but I had no pain at all!  The next day, I received a call from the embryologist who reviewed the eggs and determined the correct mature egg count: 33! I couldn’t believe it. This was beyond my wildest dreams. Many people do two rounds of egg freezing to get enough eggs, but I would only have to do one.

Now getting a high number of eggs does increase the risk of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). So my doctor kept me on some medicines for an extra 5 days post retrieval to reduce that risk. Thankfully, it worked. Hailee made sure I knew not to lift more than 10 pounds for 2 weeks, and to really take it easy. I could have been a better listener.. cause there was once I walked up and down the stairs one too many times, and it did result in my first projectile vomit ever.. so do what she says! Take it EASY.  The most difficult thing about recovery was consuming enough food. With my bloating getting worse post retrieval, I felt immediately full after like 3 bites of food. I had to force myself to continue eating, sometimes taking my time so I could eat enough. I was fatigued already from surgery, but even more fatigued from lack of food. I did take 2 weeks off work after the retrieval, and if you have a physically demanding job, I suggest planning for this. Even if you have a desk job, I suggest planning for at least a week off. Thankfully my appetite came back suddenly about 9 days after retrieval.

Now I’m 35. Knowing that I have 33 mature eggs in storage is SUCH a relief.  It gives me the assurance that I will have more time to create the healthy family I want to create. I am not on such a deadline.  It gives me more freedom in my life to take life as it comes, and not rush anything.  My results gave my ex a huge sense of relief too. It helped all of us emotionally and mentally.  My family can’t thank RPSD enough for giving me the most pleasant experience I could have had, with the most incredible results I could have dreamed of. I can’t wait to turn these eggs into embryos then babies someday.

Thank you RPSD!